Jacqui's Weightloss Journal

Part of my reflection and refocus has brought about the decision to become real with my weightloss.
By changing from inspired.B.inspired, to Jacs Journey to Change, to now what it really is: It is a Journal about my weightloss. 

In the final term of work, I have put on over 5kg.  It has taken me over a week of strict eating to turn those numbers around & get them heading down again. In Summer I do suffer from really bad circulation thanks to my size, and tend to hold fluid.  The only way I can beat it is drink drink drink drink drink water water water.  No High Salt foods, lots of alkaline foods, lots of greens, anything to flush flush flush.

One of my key trouble spots is SHOPPING. 

To overcome this today my SB (short for Shopping Buddy) and I went with a plan.
Our Grande Skinny Latte's have been replaced by Tall Iced Americanos - which is coffee, ice, water and with cream on top.
Next Stop - looking around lots of shops at clothing I would like to fit into. Its not depressing, its possible!!

Lunch time - we avoided the quick and easy takeaway & chose Nandos. A good choice. When I was at Vision I learnt how awesome Nando's is for healthy eating. Chicken Mediterranean Salad with extra tenderloins.  Lots of protein with some composs on the side.

We ended with a few grocery purchases including a little bit of a comparison of macronutrients on various products. I also looked at different products which were "GOOD CHOICES" if I felt like a snack with dip or something. Found some really low numbered Rice Wafers & Tzakiki Skinny Dip.
An easy way to be part of the crowd without over endulging.

The day ended with my pre-prepared dinner from last night of Turkey Stirfy - and lots of water.
I quick walk around the block, and my day is done.

Must remember tomorrow to drink lots and lots of water, and flush the system.

XX JACS XX

Lessons

Toxic Wasteland be gone. That was how I felt on Monday morning.  The tolls of endless chocolate eating, fast foods, sushi, work dinners, champage, christmas parties... had taken over my body.  Now a few years ago, that was how I woke up every day. Add some cigarette smoking to that, and no wonder I was huge.  Over the past 12 months I have learnt more about the inside of my body then ever before.  AND yes I know, for some they can do all of the above and feel like the top of the world, but for me ...... it doesn't & the trick is I never knew the difference


In this blog I want to talk about one of the big lessons for me in 2012.  These lessons / turning points for me aren't found in a gym, in a pool, or even in a book. For me its HOW I FEEL! Yes folks.  How I FEEL. 

This week since Toxic Monday: I have refocused on how and why I can keep going.
Step 1: THE SWIM - I had to not let Toxic Monday win - So I swam.
Step 2: THE WATER - Drinking 2L a day plus.
Step 3: THE NUTRITION - Not succumbing to quick takeaways - instead investing in some cheap vegies at the local fruit barn, and some good quality protein -filling up on that instead of the chocolate, and coffee, and sushi stopovers.
Step 4: THE MINDSET - Reflecting on when I was in the groove, what I was doing, how I was feeling.  How I approached and overcome the temptations & hits.
Step 5: THE VITAMINS n MINERALS - If you saw what I take in supplements you would probbaly have a fit.  The kids do.... but I believe its helping. Spirulina, Flaxseed Oil, Probiotic, Ginseng Relief, and a little magnesium for muscle spasms.
Step 6: THE TRAINER - My PT is my mirror. He knows my thoughts.  His confidence in my ability to achieve my goals, helps me remain on the path, or even get back on the path when I deviate.

Combine with 90% clean eating, and Day 4 I feel alive again. 

TO be strong, I have to BE Strong.  Honestly with myself, and a clean out of the TOXIC elements in my circle.  In my work I talk to my kids about CHOICES.  Choose which behaviour is appropriate, and in my adult life its exactly the same.  Every minute is a choice...... I can choose to drive this journey on the highway, or via the backway. And we all know.... THe backway will take longer.


(These are my thoughts and opinions - everyone is an individual. I blog because it gives me a chance to sit and reflect through my words.  This is what works for me, how often do you share your thoughts on paper, or through writing? And if you did what would your story be TRUTH or FICTION?)

A fresh beginning......

Sometimes I think to myself, I can't believe I am at Day One again.  If it was Day One my current weight would not be 120kg it would be 150kg. So no its NOT day one..... week one.

I injured my back right back in early 2012, and it really never repaired so I have had a long time of treatments from Osteotherapy, acupuncture, and Physiotherapy. It has really impacted on every part of my life, as I am limited in all aspects of training, and even a simple wander around the shops, so ends in agony.  But I love shopping so I grin and bare it.

When I began with the Physiotherapist I joined the Sports Centre Aqua Membership: to rehab through swimming.  It has taken me around a month to get the courage up just to enter the pool area.  Last week I packed my swimming bag, and flippers, but never quite made it there.

I partied really hard yesterday evening & Friday evening, and today had flashbacks to how I used to feel. I am so bloated, and full of fluid, my wardrobe is about to pack themselves and go to lifeline, as they are sick of being so tight lol. So that was motivation enough that no matter how shady I felt, I had to break through that barrier today, and prove to myself that I am not going to allow my body to become sluggish & useless.

Its one thing to walk, its an even bigger step to run.... but for someone not so confident in there body looks, becoming a swimmer can be one of the biggest steps. I am always in awe of those who have the confidence to wear whatever, and be comfortable in their skin.  I am getting there, but still struggle with the whole getting more out there.

Anyhow, flippers on, pair of kids goggles on, boardies, tog top, head down and into the pool. Didn't even think twice just slipped in and off I went.  I praise the inventor of kickboards, and flippers.  They make swimming, when you haven't for a long time.... fun. I did end up doing 14 laps.  Some with kickboard and flippers, some nothing at all, some just flippers, and some just kickboard.

The one thing I did have was a BIG SMILE on my face. Enjoyed every minute of it.  I surprised myself with my fitness, and especially my breathing. Last time I did swimming I was a smoker, tonight I could feel the difference just in my ability to swim 50 metres without stopping! WOOHOO!

Anyhow I have one last thing to say tonight: Hater's don't really hate you, they hate themselves, because you remind them of what they HAVEN'T achieved.

Don't waste your time hating people, move on and love & value the people who count in your world. 

xxx JAC xxx

Deactivated

Deactivate

So those of you reading this won't find the link on facebook.  Too often Social Media in my belief is getting in the way of true relationships, thoughts and feelings.  This is my outline of my experience. I love facebook, love sharing photos, motivational quotes, my experiences, my life, with my friends and family.  Also my extended friends and family.  I have formed many great friendships from having that daily contact with people.

Then it began in my mind, to become toxic.  My beloved said to me this morning, they should ban those things...meaning iPhones.  He is of the generation when a phone was a phone.  You rang people when you needed them. Lets reflect on that.

I bought my first mobile phone in 1994. Brick of a thing. It was not something I played with while I drove, it didn't tell me the current temperature, my bank balance, what colour I should wear, and if I wanted a recipe or to order a pizza, it was definitely not via the Brick Phone.  I can't even remember if it was trendy to have a phone.  It was something I used to tell my parents where I was, or more likely something to protect me in case my car broke down when driving long distances.

Then slowly it evolved, as more and more new phones were released, eventually we arrive at the iphone.  In my opinion the iphone nearly replaced my laptop.  My constant side kick, I have probably held it more then my own kids hands in the last 12 months.  Constant interruptions from games, facebook, increasingly dragging my attention away from that what was in front of me.

So I decided this morning, when instead of giving my hubby a kiss goodmorning, I reached for the beloved iPhone and read the insights of facebook, I felt a real slap in the head.... and said to myself What the f*** are you doing?  Remember when you lived on your own, and had only yourself for company...... you hated it.  All you wanted was love, companionship, and importantly to be loved and to love.  Now your in love with an iPhone.

So I took myself for a walk along the broadwater.... and held my beloved in my hand. (My iPhone)
I did my breathing exercises, and decided now was the time.  Deactivate the facebook and the distractions.  Clear the head, life will go on without your every input on peoples lives.  If my nearest and dearest want me.... they know A. Where I live? B. My phone number?

AS I return to life in the present, without the phone.  I believe this is the first step to freedom.

We can not deny technology, but we can not allow it to overtake our life. 

Pain Killers, Pink and Piriformis

I am going to start with how I am really feeling, and then I am going to end in a few jokes, to show you that you should always look on the bright side of life.

Right now I would say just about over the entire back, muscle, hips, sciatica, piriformis syndrome, or whatever else you want to call it.  Quite literally its a pain in my arse HAHA! Its goes from my Hip, to my lower glute to the front of my thigh. As much as you don't like it Jac, pain relief was invented for a reason... USE IT! If you do not rest, it will not rest. Be 100% honest about your limitations.
Basically what I was doing, training, forgetting the pain, then wondering why getting out of bed & just driving the car hurt so much the next day, and the next. Then I would get a treatment to make it better, and then it would hurt from that, and then it would just get better, and I would train again.

So everyone has advice for me, and I love that, but I had to go back to my core. What I know, and what I want to do. Firstly, if it hurts...Don't.  Secondly, No you can't take pain killers and run in a fun run. ( I did the Pinkies Fun Run as Breast Cancer is such a cause close to my heart.  Loved being with my friends, but hated the agony of the days since.)   Thirdly, don't cover that what hurts with LIES. Reality check though: You have muscle/ nerve pain..... there is millions of others in the world a lot worse of then you... so shut up and get on with it.



Verdict: The GP says, actually take the pain killers for a week and then see how you feel. If your still in pain in a week, come and see me then.  Basically it needs time to HEAL. I have continued to work regardless of the pain, so I have to take it easy there too.

SO its all come full circle. Just when I got everything on the role, and happening another blocker arrives. So I can't fight it I just need to roll with it.

So NOW for your little giggle!

So being larger then the average bear, I have never really had baths since I was a kid. lol.  My Nan had the best bath. I am sure it was over 40 years old, deep iron bath.  She was on tank water so they were never really deep, but they were seriously the best baths.  So since losing 30kg I thought .... its 2pm, your day off, why not have a bath.  It was luxuriously beautiful, the water lovely, everything perfect. Till the time came to get out.

So I popped my hands on the side of the bath and tried to lift up. Nope no luck. Tried to grab the towel to grip on the side, Nup no luck.  So tried to roll over, nup no luck.  OK I say to myself....its all good, your fine, don't panic, yes you have to go pick up the kids now.........trust me I was laughing my butt off, and no I don't find retelling this embarrassing!

Finally I rolled over, got on my knees and stood up, like a gymnast finishing her greatest move...TA DAAAA she was up. 

Moral of this story:  It was lovely and comfortable in the water, and then things went slightly off course and not to plan.  If I had of given up there and then, I would be typing this blog for my current place of residence, my bath.  So I had to look for alternatives, and Ta Daaa I got out of the bath!

I guess what I am saying is: no matter what the adversity, belief in yourself can help you overcome it. I couldn't google it, I couldn't phone a friend (my phone wasn't in the bathroom), I had to knuckle down and work out how to get out of that bath myself, or stay there..

I will also tell you this piece of advice thanks to a fellow blogger: The next time someone compliments you just say "Thank-You"......

9 weeks

A few of you may know that every now and again the ol' back starts to give me some hurry curry.
So this always impacts on my training.  Its a lower back problem, caused by muscle spasms which lead to a little curvature of the spine.  I had acupuncture earlier this year, but it wasn't until I started seeing an Osteopath that I became pain free.  Then over the last few weeks it began with a twinge here, a twinge there, which lead to me having to have a break from running & vigorous cardio.  Gentle walking, a few weeks of treatment, and I will be good again in no time.  I also have to look after my back, as I have 0 sick leave hours, and need to work.

So Late last week I began to think... what can I do? My focus on food had been waning for a fair while.  I was still making OK choices, but my snacking was getting more and more out of control.  So with me having to take a break from training & the old habits creeping in ........... I wrote the open blogs... and then it was time to STOP!

My focus is set for the next 9 weeks. My reasons are as follows:

• First mini goal is to return to 1 session of Step Into Life - Labrador on Monday evening.

• 9 weeks? why 9 weeks - Thats my last term for my first contracted year as a Teacher Aide

• TO be the Mum I want to be with my kids over the XMAS holidays

• First work christmas function which I would like to wear a dress too. 

Breakfast - Poached Egg Smoked Salmon & Baby Spinach

The good thing about being back at work is it makes my nutrition easy for 4 days a week. I  stick to my meal plans, and am away from all temptations.  The other 3 days of the week, it comes down to focus, and remembering the reasons why I chose this in the first place.

Here is a blog of my meals today, I finished the day with a miso soup so I didnt take a pic.




My nutrition goals:

Quick Stop Runaway Bay - Skinny Cap n Cookie

•  To avoid over processed foods

• To eat a different Breakfast Daily
• Limit to one coffee a day - intake of up to and above 2 Litres a day.

I have been taught that to be able to have the focus on the nutrition, requires mindset.  Being strong in mind first, can help when situations arise where you may make a choice which will slow down your progress.

Home Lunch - Mushys 100g Chicken Baby Spinach

How do I work on my mindset.....
By listening, by learning, and by applying my technique which stems from the classroom -- "Stop, Look and Listen". In class we say that & the kids repeat it.  Its so much better then "Hey Guys" or "Oi listen up".

First word is STOP: take the time to STOP.  I have chosen this week to listen to Anthony Robbins on the way to work, instead of the morning radio shows.  In that half an hour it focuses me on my goals for the day, and teaches me to be grateful for what I have.

Hommus Capsicum Celery - Snack time :)     

LOOK:  Look at how far you have come.. but there is no roof in this journey.  Anthony Robbins says to have a Foreground, you must have a background. Look

LISTEN: Listen to your body.  Listen to your mind. Sometimes you need to just STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN.

So for now, I am Day 5.
I am not letting my back beat me, how?
By staying positive, and focusing my energy on the  awesome nutrition I have available to me!




 

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but THE TRUTH!

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

So, I believe I have failed again.  I believe in my eyes that I have managed to let down my trainer, my friends, and my family.  All the thoughts that I have spent the last 12 months defeating have returned with vengeance. 



When I wrote my first blog on August 15th 2012, with all these wonderful goals, and visions of what I wanted to achieve, and here I am nearly 8 weeks later, and what have I achieved.... NOTHING. Zip, zilch, what I have achieved is demonstrating how much of a talker I am. That's right folks, you heard it here, ALL Talk! Slowly but surely the cracks have appeared, and I can tell you honestly, Jac isn't really that inspirational. 
Inspirational is the mother that gets up at 4am, and studies for 2 hours before beginning her day with 4 kids under 8, and working full time.  Inspirational is wheel chair bound person who learns to walk again after an accident, inspirational is the child that overcomes an illness, or disability to live there life to the fullest.  The mother that remains strong no matter what adversity she is faced with. The family who lose their Dad / Husband.  I don't fall anywhere into those categories. 

On the 3rd of May 2012, I weighed 120.5kg & on the 5 October 2012 I weigh 120.5kg.

So as much as I want to sit here and write to you about how CRAP that makes me feel, I know for a fact, that I am in control of this downward spiral. This is a prime example of old records of me playing.  The old me wants to say this: your a failure, your a loser, your a joke Jac.  You have done nothing in 5 months.  See, look at that weight. UNCHANGED! So you must have done nothing!!

Actually the person who knows better is me, if you understand that.  If I had done NOTHING over the last 5 months, I would not be the same weight, I would be well above that again.  If I had not cared over the last 5 months I would be back to not caring about moving my body. 

The old me sits here and thinks: Wow people must be so disappointed in me for not making more changes to my training and my body, for not looking better already..... OLD ME: Worries what other people think CONSTANTLY!

At the end of the day:

•  There is no magic pill that I seem to be constantly searching for. 
• This is no quick fix - its not a diet, its not an exercise plan, its a complete life overhaul wholistic approach
• Its not lose 30kg in 30 days, its regain your life & be the best you can be.
• FOR GOODNESS SAKE: STOP OVERTHINKING IT JACS!
• Stop adding pressure by trying to think what others are thinking, believe in yourself!

At the beginning of this blog I wrote that I had achieved nothing in 7 weeks, yeh OLD ME sing it..... NEW me (Stop second guessing yourself!!! - to quote a wise fellow!)  I learnt to that group exercise is fun, it can push you beyond limits. I do that at Step into Life, I enjoy the training sessions when I can fit it in.  Its hard with Allan working fulltime in Brisbane & the kids, but the one thing I am not doing is giving up!

Previously I would have given up & be content with this as my finale....when once again today is only the beginning.  I am not a contestant on the biggest loser, I am someone saving my life one day at a time. 

The old me would be working out how I can sneak in an afternoon nap, the new me is getting her boardies on to take the kids out to a water park, for the second day in a row! That is what counts, THAT is WHY I will continue on this journey. They are too young to have a lazy lounge lizard mother anymore!!

Time for a Break....

When I set out to write the blog, I aimed for daily, and then daily became every few days, and now every few days has become weekly.  Why?

Something has changed. I have changed. Something happened to me last weekend when I was away for the 4 days.

I still want to inspire others more then ever by sharing my journey, however I have decided to take a little break.  I need to retreat and find myself & my focus again.  I will still be training at Step into Life Labrador and aim to complete at least 2 sessions a week minimum.  I also have a weight training regime to return to as well.

My Retreat Goals

• Regain Focus
• Nutrition
• Training
• Family
• Me

It is only when I take the time to strengthen myself, that I will truly be able to help others.

I hope you all understand I did this in January this year & it worked, its the step I need to take again.

I look forward to sharing with you again someday soon. JAC

Dream - Balance - Happiness

As I walked onto the plane, the anticipation began.  Gosh will I lose my breathe as I climb the stairs carrying my luggage? Will I fit in the seat? will the seat belt fit?  will my knees be locked into the seat in front? 

As I walked up the stairs, I reached the top and thought.... ok I am still alive. As I entered the plane, and proceeded down to our seats, I was surprised I could walk in a straight line without having to be  slightly sideways so as not to hit the sits as I walked down.  As I moved into my seat it was with much excitement as I easily slipped my bag under the seat, and put my seatbelt on with belt to spare!!! (You might be thinking yeh whatever... but I used to need an extender belt, and was that sardined in I had to squash my excess hip under the arm rest)  I was so excited as I was able to reach down and get my handbag out from under the seat without after to lean all over the other passengers.

Another milestone achieved....flying like a person who can fit in a plane!! WOOHOO!

Another cool thing was having that very special one on one time with my main man Al.  I was so lucky the day I married him, Mr uncomplicated.  He works hard, loves his family, and unlike me at times can make any situation hilarious.  People love him, because he doesn't conform to social trends, he is Al & thats what we love about him.


My next challenge would be checking in to the hotel.  Top floor of the Whitsunday Terraces. 6 sets of 8 stairs up to our unit.  SO worth it as the view was breathtaking! Even better to go down to the mainstreet we had 2 choices, a steep 70 degree hill, or 14 flights of stairs.  I kept thinking to myself, thank goodness I was an active person, as I would have definitely not enjoyed the climbing and hills if I was still smoking, and overweight.

Over the last 2 years I have been pretty much been a no fun Mary.  I have never really been a big drinker, but I have always gone to bed early when others are usually partying.  I would always only have one drink max, as I have to drive or look after the kids, go to work, or was pregnant, or had to drive. Always something.  Then the ephiphany came.

Friday afternoon, with Als encouragement I forced myself to go down to the pool, and I almost went for a swim till 16 straping footy boys walked in.  Shorts back on I chilled on the pool lounge instead, and then decided to live it up & have a drink.  Well from then on my relaxation arrived. It was time for Danielle & Jay to be married. I was very nervous about being the photographer at the wedding, but it all went smoothly. The wedding was so intimate and loving, the children were beautiful, and the moments were many.  Guests were blown away by a fireworks display. Here is one pic from the occasion.

So usually back home, I would pack up stumps, head on home to an early bed.  I have always been nervous about going out on the town.  I have never really felt like a trendy chick.  Then I went out in Airlie Beach.  There is no dress code in Airlie, everyone is out in whatever, and partying and having a great time.  Had an absolute ball. I went from the one who stands with the bags, to dancing the night away, with a few drinks, and a lot of laughs. I finally allowed myself to be happy!  We were in a big group, including the bride and groom & it was just the best.  So good that we even went out again Saturday night with some great new friends we met.

So over the weekend I found the person inside who can let her hair down, relax, and enjoy it.  I let myself enjoy every moment, and didn't feel bad or guilty for doing so.  Our beautiful hosts Jay & Danielle gave us a weekend we will never forget. We just loved every minute of it!  I had some lovely talks with my 2 favourite Auntie's, it was the talk we needed to have 10 years ago.  Its amazing how family just know you. They knew me when I was a bubba, and they still know me now.... not matter how long it has been. We are a very private family, so the advice and love I received from those ladies has given me some answers.  As for Danielle, words will never describe the bond her and I share. Its a lifelong bond.

After 4 days in the tropics I say Bring on Summer. Bring on beach weather, swimming and fun with the kids.  I weighed myself on return, and my weight was exactly the same. Its a constant lesson about BALANCE.

New goals:  To get out there and live. To allow myself to relax and enjoy life, as well as work hard towards weight-loss goals.

Back to training last night.  Great session to return to.  Busted my butt.....had a ball. Wouldnt have it any other way.


JACS

Its all happening!

OK OK OK your wondering ..... hmmmmm she is blogging less, and we haven't heard from her in nearly a week... surely she is lying on a track somewhere, after falling off the wagon.  Nah its Week 11 of the school term, its all happening.

No I haven't fallen off the wagon, as I am not really on a wagon. This isn't a fad, or a stage, this is my life.  I eat well, train well, and also live well. We have had lots on, as we are planning a little second honeymoon at the end of this week, our first break ever where we are further then an hour from the kids. I am so excited, as I am love taking photo's, and I get to take photos of a very special couples day.  SO its all very exciting.

What I wanted to talk to you about tonight is taking that first step.  When I was 141kg, I was introduced to a Personal training studio, and my words to the trainer was "I don't think I could even walk through the doors?", as I had seen their clients. They were triathletes, and runners, if I went there everyone would look at me, and I could never compare myself to them.  Well a week later, I walked through the doors.  The next step was an outdoor group training session......scarey MARY!  Thrust into the daylight, in a public park, beginning to run, or walk while others ran...an essential part of the journey I enjoyed training there for a few months.

Anything new is scarey.  That first step can be petrifying.  I wanted to share my thoughts pre-first session with Ian. I hadn't heard much of what a SIL training session would be like.  11 months after my first ever cross training when I was 141kg, joining SIL a few weeks ago I was 119kg.  AS time ticked through the day I knew the hours were getting closer to that first session. My thoughts were I wonder what the other clients at the group training would be like? Would they be superfit, would I be last, would they talk to me. Then it continued I wonder what the session will be like, can I keep up, will there be alternatives.  The list goes on. I am an expert at second guessing myself and fishing for an excuse.

Do I still get the feeling of anticipation nearly 4 weeks in? YES, but the difference is now I embrace it.  Its like adrenalin.  Its like POTLUCK... bit of Forrest Gump - Like a box of chocolates you never know what your up for.  This unknown pushes me to work harder.  Its no longer about comparing myself to others, its pushing myself to keep up & improve.  Every opportunity that presents itself is an opportunity to learn more about myself, my body, and my abilities.  If I didn't take the first step, I would never have the opportunity to learn what I am really capable of.

I say it constantly...... Do NOT compare yourself to others.  There is no place for that in group classes, eating plans, facebook, on the street, at work, at play.... anywhere!!! Comparing leads to toxic thoughts, which lead to negativity..... truly this can then snowball to a whole lot of crap thinking.  Crap thoughts, lead to crap habits, which lead to crap eating, which lead to crap results.  This doesn't happen as often to me as it used to...... but it has!

How do I overcome it...... I beat that thought in my head, by stepping out, lifting, and making it happen.  I believe in myself, and my achievements.  You can achieve whatever you want, if you put your mind to it, and remain focused!

A little bit of consistency ... goes a long way.

Tonight I stepped up to a midweek Cardio Max class this evening. An enduro class, which has been my usual Sunday class. So it was a good opportunity to lift. I must admit though I was a little hesitant about going, and was even still hesitant when we set out on our run, but seriously once I was on the road, I knew it was on.

One of the awesome things I noticed was the instant change in temperature as we went from the hills of Labrador down to the beauty of the Broadwater.  Looking south towards the lights of surfers, with my trainer beside me, I was always like the way he loves running down by the Broadwater.  No matter day or night, he acknowledges how beautiful & lucky we are.

The first half of my run, I used my usual cues.  Pole to pole, tree to tree, seat to seat......but it was the turn around home that I began to ease into rhythm.Taking on board words from my RP (running partner) Christine & Shelley.... just get over that beginning and try not to stop. So I did, and I can proudly say I pretty much jogged the whole way back to the school, except for some power walking up the hill.

Sooo invigorating I got back to the school with the 3 other members and Ian, and felt alive! I was amazed as the sweat just began dripping off me. 

Sooo Happy with my efforts.  Dare I say it.... I am beginning to love running.  Tonight was very much about celebrating breathing. Being completely relaxed, in control of my breath, made me understand why people get out and run marathons...... All I want now is more more more.

Don't forget I have been given an amazing opportunity by Ian, this is  my chance to really lift, push myself to new limits, and have some fun.  Too often I over think it, add unnecessary pressure to myself. Tonight I ran, not to burn calories, not to impress anyone, I ran because I could! That beats it all.

And then it all just stopped.......

When I began to write this blog, I said that it would be about honesty, about me and my journey.

I began writing this blog tonight asking the question WHY? Why haven't I lost weight yet.  People are so lovely, but the truth of the whole thing is I haven't lost any weight since July. It has fluctuated 1 or 2 kg up or down.  But truly no real difference.  The same thing happened at 145kg, 140kg, 130kg. and this time its decided to happen at 119kg.

The differences are: at all the previous weights before 119kg I was a smoker. Many people never knew. IT wasn't something I flaunted, infact some people will go WOW I never knew.  Then as if I had never smoked, one night I just gave them up.  It was something I had dreamed of for years.  It was due to my change in training, my want for better health, the hypocritic habit it had become. I had been having acupuncture & it might have helped to. So I have been smoke free since June 1 2012.

Of course since then my training has improved, I was pretty much bronchitis free, and my bank account has looked a little better, but my weightloss has stopped. It fluctuates as often as the Australian dollar. How do I know this because its my morning ritual.  Wake up to the alarm, head to the bathroom, stand on the scales, jump in the shower.  Sometimes its good, sometimes its bad, most of the time its pretty much the same.

Weighing yourself daily is like a cardinal sin in the weight loss world, so why do I continue to put myself through this daily ritual. It keeps me tracked, however at the moment I am perfectly tracked from 7am to 4pm. Come 4pm anything could happen. My saving grace is my training sessions.  That is probably why I have maintained my weight.  The training is balancing the food intake out. But what I really need to do is focus on tipping that balance beam.....to get back to basics.

So once again, tomorrow I will plan again, pack my lunch again, and continue on the  metabolic jumpstart program.  It is time that I just knuckle down again. No more excuses. When I am angry and grumpy, like I was earlier this afternoon, its that I am grumpy with myself.  The biggest thing I must not do is STOP.  Just keep moooving.........

You can Count on Me

This weekend I got to celebrate my great friends 40th birthday.  She has motivated me in my journey, by herself marking the occasion by reclaiming her life, with sheer determination, dedication and hardwork she has reduced her weight by a lot, and gained amazing self confidence. Love ya to pieces Mrs! Here is a pic of us a few months ago at our first ever fun run.

Tonight's Cardiomax was another great session conquering my royal nemisis Imperial Parade. Up and Down, walking & jogging.  Another killer, but we were all beating everyone on the coach so soldier on I did.

Today's prayer at work was about embracing diversity. I am a strong believer that this also relates to our various training groups. We are a very diverse bunch of people, not 100% sure on occupations, but we are all from different backgrounds, and for the training we are a team. Supporting each other no matter what.  Its that high 5, the smile, the you can do it, just that team spirit.

Tonight I had the pleasure of meeting an inspiration girl, who took her first steps, had as they were she stepped and stepped. I was so proud of her efforts.

I am that jet lagged from training I am falling asleep typing my blog, so tonight I am going to leave you with this animation, which pretty much sums up today & tonight. This is dedicated to all those who Count on me, as much as I count on you x

Night guys x

Oh What a Week!

All I can say is What a week, What a week... I have been a Step into Life member now since first session 16th August.  That was my first "Boxkick" session.  Since then I have learnt more about myself, and my ability then I thought possible. In the time since joining I have completed 9 sessions, burnt 4334 kCal, have strengthened my body, and can already feel the difference in my Cardiovascular fitness.

To be completely honest. I had heard about Step into Life, I knew people who trained, I even saw people training, but had never actually thought I could be one of them.  36 years old, mother of 3, wife of 1, previous history of being grossly overweight (some like to call it morbidly obese), part-time worker, sometimes weight trainer, sometimes run / walker, on a weight-loss journey.  One thing I have not done on my journey to health is rushed. Its been very slow, even to the stage of halted.  So when the opportunity came to "Step it UP" it was exactly the fast forward button I needed!

When I first started I was always worried about running last, or falling behind, but that was far from the truth. This reflection actually began in a session Monday 27 August. I am a big fan of The Biggest Loser, having watched it for years, watching their moments when a training session who crack away their barriers.  I wrote about my first TBL moment in that nightly blog, I cried as I ran up the nemesis Imperial Parade.  Crying because I was last, because I was not at the level of the others, because I allowed old thoughts had invaded my mind.  The one thing I wasn't. was alone. Ian was right there, and so were the awesome fellow Step into Lifers. I got through it, and lifted through the session & made it my best.  Then this Monday night just gone I had another "moment" which you may have also already read about.  I had a open chat with Ian about my nutrition, this lead to him highlighting a few things which may have been in my way,  so I refocused the nutrition & recommitted to my goals.....and then it got me to thinking about overall effort and commitment.

Am I as committed as I should be? Am I giving 110% every time?  In reflection, the answer was quickly no.  If I was 110% committed I would have been a lot further along in the weightloss and fitness then I am. But before I start cursing every wrong move over the past year, its not about that.  Its not about the past, its about making the present the best it can be, to be prepared for whatever the future throws at me. So during the Thursday sessions: I decided its time to throw caution at the wind, to beat the mind who tells me to stop. Simple baby steps, when they ran I ran, when they jumped I jumped, when they kicked I kicked.  Its 1 hour out of 24 hours.  Its truly not asking that much.

Finally it come down to What do I want? I want the dress, I want the shoes, I want the hair, I want the ability to confidently swim in a pool or be at a beach, I want to ride a roller coaster with my son.  Ultimately I want to help people, achieve their dreams and goals.  I can't do that yet.  I am still currently "under construction".  With baby steps I have healed many of the old records of my life, which allow me to deal with the present much better.  There are still moments that hit me, but I am stronger which allows me to fight harder. 

Special shout outs to everyone who reads my blog. Thanks to those who have come up and spoken to me this week about their journey.  The amazing women who have also now begun to blog their journey through pages. Its a brave thing for some of us just to step on the scales, its even braver to write about it for the world to read. xx
If your wondering how to start, everything begins with just one step x

Bring on morning training!!

Join us on facebook: Jacs Next Step

I've got one word to say to you, CONTROL!

Evening folks. Fresh from the Chicks at the Flicks premiere of Kath and Kimderella. Had a good laugh in parts, but most of all enjoyed some time out with a good friend x  Now in true Kath Day-Knight style I've got one word to say to you all "Control".

Control means a lot of different things to me.  Being in Control and Feeling in Control, are such important aspects.  One of the key to my weightloss success this year has been returning to work.  Returning to work has allowed me to control my eating. I ensure I pack my meal and snacks, and water.  Working within a school environment my biggest temptation is the home baking at tuck shop, or the odd baked gift or chocolate. Which is a far cry from the fridge n pantry, from my work from home/stay at home mum days.  So at work my eating is controlled.  From the minute I get into the car, its like a flood of old habits. The car can take me anywhere, a drive thru, a sushi train, or even the good old excuse of I'll call in and get the kids some maccas...... oh and just some mcbites for me & a diet coke.  Some diet programs talk about Junk Thinking, and that is my constant controller.  Reining in my cravings, and urges.  Its not a case of not allowed, or can't have, they are dangerous statements.  The minute you say YOU can't have it... you'll want it even more! So I chose to look at it like a savings account.  I have a food budget of calories/macronutrients to spend every day, how I choose to spend that budget is up to me. 

Feeling in control, is the feeling I get when I drive past a McDonalds, or walk through a shopping centre without succumbing to temptation.  Feeling in control is the feeling I get when I have dinner organised, lunches made, uniforms ready, appointments booked, banking done.... ahead of schedule.

At the end of the day, we are adults, we are in control of ourselves. No one can control us.  Some may try but it will be unsuccessful eventually. Ultimately, the cliche saying If its to be its UP to me....widely used in the world of self motivation and direct selling.

Tomorrow, is double up Thursday. Sparring in the morning then BoxKick in the evening.  Wednesday rest day is almost over.....

I battle on again tomorrow. Those little habits of day of will be confronting again. But I will stay strong, and win again tomorrow!

Monday Moments

So its been a crazy time here in what I can affectionately call 'Camp Drescher' over the weekend.  Camp Drescher weekend was the inaugural family get together, where all my husbands family came to visit, fish, eat, relax, play, and drink.  A fire just ain't a fire without the term "More Wood....."
So with 13 adults and estimated 16 teens, tweens, n toddlers..... it was hectic, but lots of fun.

Its been so long since I have blogged, a whole 4 days pretty much.  Saturday morning I did my first Saturday session, and proudly claimed to have sprung into spring!! Sunday was more of a relaxed workout. I did forgo the usual CardioMax Enduro session, and headed to my favourite place Main Beach. I find Sun, Surf, and Sand energising. Its a great lift, and always a good time for a one on one conversation with my thoughts.

I found myself getting overwhelmed by calculations. Times, Maps, Pace, Heart Rate, running style, stopping, starting, what's hurting, what isn't hurting. The mind was on overload. So I stopped. As you can see by the pic. It was time to ground myself. I shared on the facebook page how I was feeling.  That was when I told myself, walk for the love of the day, for the ability to, for the reason that you can.  Just be free to do as you please. Because regardless of all those calculators, and time keepers..... the point is: YOUR DOING IT! Derrr! (Yes sometimes I need to slap myself around a little bit lol)

So tonight was Monday night Madness.... what I like about Monday night training is your never quite know what's in store.  Tonights was much fun. I burnt almost 430 Calories. I did leave it paused for 2 minutes of sprinting though.  A great fun session, once again pushing myself.

The moment of the night goes to the hurdle part of the circuit.  Due to my fitness level, I often ask or chose an alternative exercise. EG... When my team mate was doing burpies, I stuck to squats.  You would have also read previously about my inability to co-ordinate a skipping rope. So along comes some hurdles.... not Sally Pearson size... more like Sally Grade 4 size.

When my buddy was jumping over and over the hurdle, I was happily doing my alternative exercise, but then the moment came.  "Jacs have a go at jumping with 2 feet over the hurdle". Easier said then done, as I gathered the courage, with a few false starts, finally my 2 feet jumped over the hurdle.  I likened it to a scene in Ghost when Patrick Swayze has to use all his might to move that coke can. 

I did it!! WOOOHOOO! High 5's from the trainer, and a smile :) from me.  Then for the rotations to stop I had to jump it again.... and eventually when the stars aligned... I jumped again.  Another MONDAY MOMENT.  I always thought I was lucky and didn't bloat, and unlike all the people who go on Biggest Loser... I had never gotten that emotional over my weight or training.... until lately!  I am not immune.  I will make it!

Now we have celebrated the triumph lets reflect on the not to so beautiful stuff.  We have established I can run.. YES. Its also been established that I play well with others.. YES.  Most of the time I happily participate without complaint... YES.  Lets look at some ugly words...."its just 2", "its only 1", "but its o.k". That is my nutrition all in one.  Excuses after excuses.... covering up the truth.  I didn't have a successful week on Metabolic Jumpstart.  The only person to blame is me.  The only person who can lift and fix it is me. So I have to regain control of my eating.  No more Just ones.... or only two's.....No more EXCUSES.  Hence the attached pic.  No more B**sh** stories as to why I can't achieve it! If its not on the plan mate, then it doesn't make it to the plate!  Lets see how we go from there.  Talk soon! :)

Box Kick - Stress Relieving Laughs

Its Thursday, YAY! Thursday is a sacred day in the world of Jac. Its my day off :)  This one is even sweeter as its followed by a public holiday tomorrow for the Gold Coast Show! This morning I did my usual sparring training 30 minutes, Max Heart Rate 182, (277kCal burn) followed by brunch with the girls (Gluten free wholemeal bread, smoked trout, 2 poached eggs, mushrooms at La Cloche) then some retail therapy. Lunch was a capeseed roll with 200g chicken. Followed by a remedial massage on my shoulders and neck. 

Tonight I had a task set for me by Ian. To get to training on-time, even early.  Friends who know me well, also know that me and being on time, usually don't mix.  Funnily enough at 150kg I was never on time.  I can remember being a work from home parent, getting out of bed at 7.30am, for a manic half an hour to get everyone to school.  That was a few years ago now, gladly I am usually upno later then 5.30am weekdays, and we leave the house at 7am.  Is it Manic?  Most of the time..... they are kids, does it ever run smoothly?  Always some socks or shoes that decide to run and hide right at that critical time. 

Long story short, I got there on time! WOOHOO! Almost beat the trainer.  Tonights session was great. More resistance training and boxing, then running. Also lots of laughs, and good chats.  WE still ran.... of course!!! My abdominal muscles will claim tomorrow that they had a beating. With close to 100 situps, a few planks, some sit up side kinda boxing with your legs at right angles, and one must never forget the squats.  Plus some quick jabs, firm jab crosses, and some kicking. The bags took a beating!! I think its going to hurt tomorrow lol. 49 minutes workout Max heart rate 172 (328kCal burn) I came home to a yummy tuna, tomato, cos lettuce salad. Beautiful!

I had a phone call from my trainer this afternoon, checking up on my Metabolic Jumpstart Day 4. WE discussed a few things which I had highlighted.  Firstly, hello eating all 6 food groups.  It comes down to portion control, sticking to your targets.  Focus, Discipline, and Commitment. News just to hand.....I need to really FOCUS on my nutrition!!! I am training well, burning the calories, and not losing weight. So guess what.... its time to cut the fat, close my mouth, stop popping a little bit of this and a little bit of that in there..... because a little can become a lot real quick!  Story of my life.  I have been burning the calories, now its time to knuckle down and focus on reaching my nutrition targets.

Whats ahead of me this weekend.  Time for weekly weights session tomorrow or Saturday, then we have lots of family coming to visit for the weekend.  Next Step Into Life session for me is Sunday (yes Fathers Day lol) Cardiomax - Enduro. Catch you all then :) Tomorrows Blog is a 110% HONEST... every moment FOOD DIARY!  Now there is accountability to log in for!

I can feel salad season coming!!! WOOHOOO!!

Cheers to an early weekend.

You know how you wait and wait for that time off to come, and then it arrives, and your so excited .... you don't know where to begin. Well that's how I feel. Yes I know time off from work, is also an excellent opportunity to catch up on chores, washing, and spring cleaning.  BUT!!! There are some fun things I have to do first....... Family time, training time, and friend catch up time.  The washing will still be waiting for me, and the floors, and the bedrooms.

Tonight we went out for dinner as a family.  Rarely do we go out for dinner as with 3 kids, it can become quite expensive.  I ordered the Barra Burger, ended up eating it minus the burger roll & chips.....well ok I had a few chips... but really who can't resist a few chips with a pub meal!  Honesty!!  It was a great dinner, and as we were in Labrador (aka Ian's Step Into Life Territory), I felt it appropriate to take the family on a tour of the blood, sweat, and tears Hills & training grounds that have become my nemesis over the past few weeks. In my opinion, It is an important part of the journey that the family know where your going, what your doing, they know the why..... they have lived this journey with me from the day they met me!

So first stop was Whiting Street, ok Mummy runs up here.....WOW! Its steep in the car,.... no wonder it hit my calf muscles hard..... then it was a drive along Government Road to show them where we begin our runs from, and where we train.  They were fascinated to see a training session in progress, with Ian out on the Oval putting the girls through their paces.  As it was getting late, we didn't intrude, but they have a greater understanding of the kind of training we do there.  We drove off down my nemisis, the royal pain in my calves.... Imperial Parade. 

Can't believe its Thursday again tomorrow.  Such an awesome day planned. Sparring with a friend in the morning to get my boxing fix, I love boxing...... Then its healthy brunch with my colleague & great friend with her 2 daughters, and the rest is up to the organisational gods.  UNTIL the evening.... when its time to KICKBOX ....

Loving the training points, and reports from Step Into Life.  It is such a push to earn the points.  I enjoy it so much, I forget its exercise sometimes.  I also want to report in and say my Stress Levels have definitely decreased this week, thanks to the cardiomax sessions.  Energy levels have also increased.

Night for now x Jac

Monday Night Madness!!

Evening All..... Well Here we are Monday 27th August. Officially started "Matt O'Neills Metabolic Jumpstart" today which is the nutrition program which came hand in hand with my wonderful prize from Ian & Labrador Step Into Life.  This is an awesome time to lift my nutrition, as the benefits of my new training regime are becoming more and more apparent. Working is my saviour for planned eating. Away from the home fridge, and scheduled.  Loving the focus on ensuring I eat from all the food groups. I also must admit I finally drank my whole 2L of water today!! WOOHOO!

Tonight's session began at 6pm, at 5.35pm I was still in my jeans & work clothes, contemplating & procrastinating. Was I TOO sore, or was I TOOO tired....... but then I remembered last nights last paragraph of my blog.  I said that I would be training tonight. There is my accountability all in one.  How could I get on to write tonights blog and say oh yeh by the way I was too tired, too lazy, too sore, to train tonight but ho hum ...... Yeh B********!  So off I went to training, a little late (oops sorry Boss), and a little unprepared forgot the water bottle, but the biggest thing is I WENT!

Great to see the crew there. After warm up it was a 1km run sprung on us down my royal nemisis....Imperial Pde, and along Frank Street & back. Some of the group did 2km, and some did 1km.  As I do marathon training I know what its like to run in the group, and I also know that its my pace, and that I don't have to keep up with the pack.  I try, but I know its not a mandatory. As I approached the end of Imperial I looked left & looked right, I couldnt see anyone. I remembered Ian's instructions something about Baker St.... so I headed that way, and soon came across the encouraging smiles of the girls n guy running back from there turn arounds.  I no longer feel alone.

Heading back up Imperial I tripped on a reflector, and this was enough to jolt the nerves a little.  It gave me a fright more then anything. As I looked up at the shadows at the top of my nemisis, I was having a number of thoughts.... 1. Can you believe your breathing..... 2. You nearly fell arse up......
3. Last again Jacks but your doing it...... SO those thoughts became a little more angry as I neared the top.  I can remember Ian talking to me, something about run 10 power walk 10, imagine the line is a rope pulling you up the hill.  I was determined not to stop.  As I arrived there, and began the decent back to our training session I started to feel the emotions coming.  The girls were so encouraging, but I was not sad, I was proud that I had done that hill, and backed up after Sunday!  I also learnt that breathing through the tears, and running is very empowering.

I continued on to blitz the rest of the session.  I always feel a little sorry for my training buddy, as I am not the fastest sprinter at the session so they end up doing more burpys or skipping longer.  But the one thing I can say is I am doing my best to bust my butt, and they know it. Official Training Time: 43 minutes. Max Heart Rate: 180.  Polar Results: 58.05 minutes - 510kCAL Average HR 148 Max HR 180!!!

 I am continually amazed by the abilities my body can do, even though its been hidden under layers of unhealthy fat for so many years. I got my first fortnightly report from Step Into Life tonight.... I must say I was quite impressed :) Can't wait to see it improve x

xxx Jac xxx

Next Training Session for me is: Weights tomorrow afternoon, and KICKBOX Thursday night.