That day.....

Scarey beginnings

Here I am at that inevitable day. The day no fatty who has lost weight wants to know about, the day you weigh more then your previous starting weight.

Well I am there. I am not having a pity party, and I am definitely not searching for sympathy. Fact is somehow between September 2012 and September 2014 life happened.

I recall the day I boarded a plane in September 2012 for my cousins wedding in Airlie beach with my hubby. As we sat beside each other on the plane I showed him photos on my phone. You see, for the previous year I had not stopped. Eating,  training,
Walking, running. Group training,
Boxing, and there was one thing that I hadn't forgotten but I guess I put on the backburner my kids n hubby.

I had been that busy doing all those things and losing weight, my first year of permanent employment. Feeling amazing, and then one day BOOM
you wake up.

It starts with one or two missed sessions, one or two or more treats, slowly but surely training became less
Of a priority.

No mindset,
No nutrition,
No training.

24kg later these 3 things again need to be made a priority, but with balance.
Balance between work, motherhood, house, eating right, and moving more.

So it's going to be plan plan plan.
Kids are older they can either come with. I am not going to be making that hole again where mum trains, they with dad.

Excited to see if I can do it all, and still
Have a life!!

Changes

18 months on, I am so super glad that I didn't delete my blog like I have so many other things in my life.  In 18 months since my last post I have gained 22kg.  So that works out as a gradual 1kg a month.  I have had many ups and downs in that time and I am a completely different person to the one who wrote the blog in December 2012.

I have had some major positives and major negatives invade my life and I have learnt a number of lessons along the way. Too many to mention. In February 2013 I found my best friend again, I was the carrot and she was the peas. We just cruised together. It was so exciting as it had been a gigantic hole in my life over nearly 15 years.  When there was no one else, she was there for me.

I have learnt that along with weightloss comes a lot of fakeness and a lot of open your eyes to the bullshit. I have never considered myself a popular person, a useful person yes, but popular no.  When you publicise your weightloss journey on social media, it is easy to become "the inspiration" "the doer" that chick who is doing something positive with her life.... Right up till the part where she gets injured, can't walk for long distance let alone run anymore..... Next thing you know the bad habits come  back..... I started smoking again, and stopped exercising, and then slowly but surely the I can't fit into it pile became bigger then the  squeeze me in pile of clothes.

The phone stops ringing, the texts don't come, and everyone who was beside you when you were
Flying packs up and moves on to another "good" cause.  Trust me I am not schizophrenic this is the damn truth.  I was given an ultimatum from my long time PT. I was told it was hard for him to watch me "throw" away all my hard work.  Well guess what buddy, at that time weightloss and training and chasing times wasn't my priority. So he said goodbye.  Funny when talking to someone about it today I called it "breaking up" with my PT. He was my rock when no one listened.  He got me without judgement, and never told me what to think but directed me how to work it out on my own.

So now I am "on my own" I have  decided it is a positive. My husband said to me you know Jac..... You know what to do, you can do this. So bring on what I know that works. Walking. Walking. Walking. Activity. And goodbye to the foods that I don't put in the portion control category.

I have genuine friends in my world who have known me when I was just Jac. Without husband kids..... I haven't had that for so many years. I visit my best friend and feel as though I am.....home. Home is where the heart is.

I was walking today and listening to some randoms walking tracks one of them was Ed Sheerhan I see fire. I don't know if it was the tones or the words but suddenly I was hysterically crying. Which was a little confronting as I was out on a walk. The line of the song was "I hope that you remember me".  It will always fascinate me as to how people can just walk away from friends.  Just close the book, delete the number, and after a few years forget what ever happened. The worst thing was I kept walking and remembering the times we had spent sorting shit in my head whilst walking the Broadwater. But I just think to myself it's ok Jac.... You weren't good enough, and you know what that's perfectly ok.

I was not going to do the Gold Coast Marathon as it hurts, it reminds me of what I have lost, the people who you thought would stand by you no matter what, going from being with a big supportive group to just being there alone.  Then I remember the unconditional love of my family. The little faces of my children who are so proud of mummy. My bestie who is the closest thing I will ever have to a sister. So I will do the 5.7km walk.... For the 4th year in a row. For who, for me!

Jacqui's Weightloss Journal

Part of my reflection and refocus has brought about the decision to become real with my weightloss.
By changing from inspired.B.inspired, to Jacs Journey to Change, to now what it really is: It is a Journal about my weightloss. 

In the final term of work, I have put on over 5kg.  It has taken me over a week of strict eating to turn those numbers around & get them heading down again. In Summer I do suffer from really bad circulation thanks to my size, and tend to hold fluid.  The only way I can beat it is drink drink drink drink drink water water water.  No High Salt foods, lots of alkaline foods, lots of greens, anything to flush flush flush.

One of my key trouble spots is SHOPPING. 

To overcome this today my SB (short for Shopping Buddy) and I went with a plan.
Our Grande Skinny Latte's have been replaced by Tall Iced Americanos - which is coffee, ice, water and with cream on top.
Next Stop - looking around lots of shops at clothing I would like to fit into. Its not depressing, its possible!!

Lunch time - we avoided the quick and easy takeaway & chose Nandos. A good choice. When I was at Vision I learnt how awesome Nando's is for healthy eating. Chicken Mediterranean Salad with extra tenderloins.  Lots of protein with some composs on the side.

We ended with a few grocery purchases including a little bit of a comparison of macronutrients on various products. I also looked at different products which were "GOOD CHOICES" if I felt like a snack with dip or something. Found some really low numbered Rice Wafers & Tzakiki Skinny Dip.
An easy way to be part of the crowd without over endulging.

The day ended with my pre-prepared dinner from last night of Turkey Stirfy - and lots of water.
I quick walk around the block, and my day is done.

Must remember tomorrow to drink lots and lots of water, and flush the system.

XX JACS XX

Lessons

Toxic Wasteland be gone. That was how I felt on Monday morning.  The tolls of endless chocolate eating, fast foods, sushi, work dinners, champage, christmas parties... had taken over my body.  Now a few years ago, that was how I woke up every day. Add some cigarette smoking to that, and no wonder I was huge.  Over the past 12 months I have learnt more about the inside of my body then ever before.  AND yes I know, for some they can do all of the above and feel like the top of the world, but for me ...... it doesn't & the trick is I never knew the difference


In this blog I want to talk about one of the big lessons for me in 2012.  These lessons / turning points for me aren't found in a gym, in a pool, or even in a book. For me its HOW I FEEL! Yes folks.  How I FEEL. 

This week since Toxic Monday: I have refocused on how and why I can keep going.
Step 1: THE SWIM - I had to not let Toxic Monday win - So I swam.
Step 2: THE WATER - Drinking 2L a day plus.
Step 3: THE NUTRITION - Not succumbing to quick takeaways - instead investing in some cheap vegies at the local fruit barn, and some good quality protein -filling up on that instead of the chocolate, and coffee, and sushi stopovers.
Step 4: THE MINDSET - Reflecting on when I was in the groove, what I was doing, how I was feeling.  How I approached and overcome the temptations & hits.
Step 5: THE VITAMINS n MINERALS - If you saw what I take in supplements you would probbaly have a fit.  The kids do.... but I believe its helping. Spirulina, Flaxseed Oil, Probiotic, Ginseng Relief, and a little magnesium for muscle spasms.
Step 6: THE TRAINER - My PT is my mirror. He knows my thoughts.  His confidence in my ability to achieve my goals, helps me remain on the path, or even get back on the path when I deviate.

Combine with 90% clean eating, and Day 4 I feel alive again. 

TO be strong, I have to BE Strong.  Honestly with myself, and a clean out of the TOXIC elements in my circle.  In my work I talk to my kids about CHOICES.  Choose which behaviour is appropriate, and in my adult life its exactly the same.  Every minute is a choice...... I can choose to drive this journey on the highway, or via the backway. And we all know.... THe backway will take longer.


(These are my thoughts and opinions - everyone is an individual. I blog because it gives me a chance to sit and reflect through my words.  This is what works for me, how often do you share your thoughts on paper, or through writing? And if you did what would your story be TRUTH or FICTION?)

A fresh beginning......

Sometimes I think to myself, I can't believe I am at Day One again.  If it was Day One my current weight would not be 120kg it would be 150kg. So no its NOT day one..... week one.

I injured my back right back in early 2012, and it really never repaired so I have had a long time of treatments from Osteotherapy, acupuncture, and Physiotherapy. It has really impacted on every part of my life, as I am limited in all aspects of training, and even a simple wander around the shops, so ends in agony.  But I love shopping so I grin and bare it.

When I began with the Physiotherapist I joined the Sports Centre Aqua Membership: to rehab through swimming.  It has taken me around a month to get the courage up just to enter the pool area.  Last week I packed my swimming bag, and flippers, but never quite made it there.

I partied really hard yesterday evening & Friday evening, and today had flashbacks to how I used to feel. I am so bloated, and full of fluid, my wardrobe is about to pack themselves and go to lifeline, as they are sick of being so tight lol. So that was motivation enough that no matter how shady I felt, I had to break through that barrier today, and prove to myself that I am not going to allow my body to become sluggish & useless.

Its one thing to walk, its an even bigger step to run.... but for someone not so confident in there body looks, becoming a swimmer can be one of the biggest steps. I am always in awe of those who have the confidence to wear whatever, and be comfortable in their skin.  I am getting there, but still struggle with the whole getting more out there.

Anyhow, flippers on, pair of kids goggles on, boardies, tog top, head down and into the pool. Didn't even think twice just slipped in and off I went.  I praise the inventor of kickboards, and flippers.  They make swimming, when you haven't for a long time.... fun. I did end up doing 14 laps.  Some with kickboard and flippers, some nothing at all, some just flippers, and some just kickboard.

The one thing I did have was a BIG SMILE on my face. Enjoyed every minute of it.  I surprised myself with my fitness, and especially my breathing. Last time I did swimming I was a smoker, tonight I could feel the difference just in my ability to swim 50 metres without stopping! WOOHOO!

Anyhow I have one last thing to say tonight: Hater's don't really hate you, they hate themselves, because you remind them of what they HAVEN'T achieved.

Don't waste your time hating people, move on and love & value the people who count in your world. 

xxx JAC xxx

Deactivated

Deactivate

So those of you reading this won't find the link on facebook.  Too often Social Media in my belief is getting in the way of true relationships, thoughts and feelings.  This is my outline of my experience. I love facebook, love sharing photos, motivational quotes, my experiences, my life, with my friends and family.  Also my extended friends and family.  I have formed many great friendships from having that daily contact with people.

Then it began in my mind, to become toxic.  My beloved said to me this morning, they should ban those things...meaning iPhones.  He is of the generation when a phone was a phone.  You rang people when you needed them. Lets reflect on that.

I bought my first mobile phone in 1994. Brick of a thing. It was not something I played with while I drove, it didn't tell me the current temperature, my bank balance, what colour I should wear, and if I wanted a recipe or to order a pizza, it was definitely not via the Brick Phone.  I can't even remember if it was trendy to have a phone.  It was something I used to tell my parents where I was, or more likely something to protect me in case my car broke down when driving long distances.

Then slowly it evolved, as more and more new phones were released, eventually we arrive at the iphone.  In my opinion the iphone nearly replaced my laptop.  My constant side kick, I have probably held it more then my own kids hands in the last 12 months.  Constant interruptions from games, facebook, increasingly dragging my attention away from that what was in front of me.

So I decided this morning, when instead of giving my hubby a kiss goodmorning, I reached for the beloved iPhone and read the insights of facebook, I felt a real slap in the head.... and said to myself What the f*** are you doing?  Remember when you lived on your own, and had only yourself for company...... you hated it.  All you wanted was love, companionship, and importantly to be loved and to love.  Now your in love with an iPhone.

So I took myself for a walk along the broadwater.... and held my beloved in my hand. (My iPhone)
I did my breathing exercises, and decided now was the time.  Deactivate the facebook and the distractions.  Clear the head, life will go on without your every input on peoples lives.  If my nearest and dearest want me.... they know A. Where I live? B. My phone number?

AS I return to life in the present, without the phone.  I believe this is the first step to freedom.

We can not deny technology, but we can not allow it to overtake our life. 

Pain Killers, Pink and Piriformis

I am going to start with how I am really feeling, and then I am going to end in a few jokes, to show you that you should always look on the bright side of life.

Right now I would say just about over the entire back, muscle, hips, sciatica, piriformis syndrome, or whatever else you want to call it.  Quite literally its a pain in my arse HAHA! Its goes from my Hip, to my lower glute to the front of my thigh. As much as you don't like it Jac, pain relief was invented for a reason... USE IT! If you do not rest, it will not rest. Be 100% honest about your limitations.
Basically what I was doing, training, forgetting the pain, then wondering why getting out of bed & just driving the car hurt so much the next day, and the next. Then I would get a treatment to make it better, and then it would hurt from that, and then it would just get better, and I would train again.

So everyone has advice for me, and I love that, but I had to go back to my core. What I know, and what I want to do. Firstly, if it hurts...Don't.  Secondly, No you can't take pain killers and run in a fun run. ( I did the Pinkies Fun Run as Breast Cancer is such a cause close to my heart.  Loved being with my friends, but hated the agony of the days since.)   Thirdly, don't cover that what hurts with LIES. Reality check though: You have muscle/ nerve pain..... there is millions of others in the world a lot worse of then you... so shut up and get on with it.



Verdict: The GP says, actually take the pain killers for a week and then see how you feel. If your still in pain in a week, come and see me then.  Basically it needs time to HEAL. I have continued to work regardless of the pain, so I have to take it easy there too.

SO its all come full circle. Just when I got everything on the role, and happening another blocker arrives. So I can't fight it I just need to roll with it.

So NOW for your little giggle!

So being larger then the average bear, I have never really had baths since I was a kid. lol.  My Nan had the best bath. I am sure it was over 40 years old, deep iron bath.  She was on tank water so they were never really deep, but they were seriously the best baths.  So since losing 30kg I thought .... its 2pm, your day off, why not have a bath.  It was luxuriously beautiful, the water lovely, everything perfect. Till the time came to get out.

So I popped my hands on the side of the bath and tried to lift up. Nope no luck. Tried to grab the towel to grip on the side, Nup no luck.  So tried to roll over, nup no luck.  OK I say to myself....its all good, your fine, don't panic, yes you have to go pick up the kids now.........trust me I was laughing my butt off, and no I don't find retelling this embarrassing!

Finally I rolled over, got on my knees and stood up, like a gymnast finishing her greatest move...TA DAAAA she was up. 

Moral of this story:  It was lovely and comfortable in the water, and then things went slightly off course and not to plan.  If I had of given up there and then, I would be typing this blog for my current place of residence, my bath.  So I had to look for alternatives, and Ta Daaa I got out of the bath!

I guess what I am saying is: no matter what the adversity, belief in yourself can help you overcome it. I couldn't google it, I couldn't phone a friend (my phone wasn't in the bathroom), I had to knuckle down and work out how to get out of that bath myself, or stay there..

I will also tell you this piece of advice thanks to a fellow blogger: The next time someone compliments you just say "Thank-You"......