18 months on, I am so super glad that I didn't delete my blog like I have so many other things in my life. In 18 months since my last post I have gained 22kg. So that works out as a gradual 1kg a month. I have had many ups and downs in that time and I am a completely different person to the one who wrote the blog in December 2012.
I have had some major positives and major negatives invade my life and I have learnt a number of lessons along the way. Too many to mention. In February 2013 I found my best friend again, I was the carrot and she was the peas. We just cruised together. It was so exciting as it had been a gigantic hole in my life over nearly 15 years. When there was no one else, she was there for me.
I have learnt that along with weightloss comes a lot of fakeness and a lot of open your eyes to the bullshit. I have never considered myself a popular person, a useful person yes, but popular no. When you publicise your weightloss journey on social media, it is easy to become "the inspiration" "the doer" that chick who is doing something positive with her life.... Right up till the part where she gets injured, can't walk for long distance let alone run anymore..... Next thing you know the bad habits come back..... I started smoking again, and stopped exercising, and then slowly but surely the I can't fit into it pile became bigger then the squeeze me in pile of clothes.
The phone stops ringing, the texts don't come, and everyone who was beside you when you were
Flying packs up and moves on to another "good" cause. Trust me I am not schizophrenic this is the damn truth. I was given an ultimatum from my long time PT. I was told it was hard for him to watch me "throw" away all my hard work. Well guess what buddy, at that time weightloss and training and chasing times wasn't my priority. So he said goodbye. Funny when talking to someone about it today I called it "breaking up" with my PT. He was my rock when no one listened. He got me without judgement, and never told me what to think but directed me how to work it out on my own.
So now I am "on my own" I have decided it is a positive. My husband said to me you know Jac..... You know what to do, you can do this. So bring on what I know that works. Walking. Walking. Walking. Activity. And goodbye to the foods that I don't put in the portion control category.
I have genuine friends in my world who have known me when I was just Jac. Without husband kids..... I haven't had that for so many years. I visit my best friend and feel as though I am.....home. Home is where the heart is.
I was walking today and listening to some randoms walking tracks one of them was Ed Sheerhan I see fire. I don't know if it was the tones or the words but suddenly I was hysterically crying. Which was a little confronting as I was out on a walk. The line of the song was "I hope that you remember me". It will always fascinate me as to how people can just walk away from friends. Just close the book, delete the number, and after a few years forget what ever happened. The worst thing was I kept walking and remembering the times we had spent sorting shit in my head whilst walking the Broadwater. But I just think to myself it's ok Jac.... You weren't good enough, and you know what that's perfectly ok.
I was not going to do the Gold Coast Marathon as it hurts, it reminds me of what I have lost, the people who you thought would stand by you no matter what, going from being with a big supportive group to just being there alone. Then I remember the unconditional love of my family. The little faces of my children who are so proud of mummy. My bestie who is the closest thing I will ever have to a sister. So I will do the 5.7km walk.... For the 4th year in a row. For who, for me!
