So, I believe I have failed again. I believe in my eyes that I have managed to let down my trainer, my friends, and my family. All the thoughts that I have spent the last 12 months defeating have returned with vengeance.
When I wrote my first blog on August 15th 2012, with all these wonderful goals, and visions of what I wanted to achieve, and here I am nearly 8 weeks later, and what have I achieved.... NOTHING. Zip, zilch, what I have achieved is demonstrating how much of a talker I am. That's right folks, you heard it here, ALL Talk! Slowly but surely the cracks have appeared, and I can tell you honestly, Jac isn't really that inspirational. Inspirational is the mother that gets up at 4am, and studies for 2 hours before beginning her day with 4 kids under 8, and working full time. Inspirational is wheel chair bound person who learns to walk again after an accident, inspirational is the child that overcomes an illness, or disability to live there life to the fullest. The mother that remains strong no matter what adversity she is faced with. The family who lose their Dad / Husband. I don't fall anywhere into those categories.
On the 3rd of May 2012, I weighed 120.5kg & on the 5 October 2012 I weigh 120.5kg.
So as much as I want to sit here and write to you about how CRAP that makes me feel, I know for a fact, that I am in control of this downward spiral. This is a prime example of old records of me playing. The old me wants to say this: your a failure, your a loser, your a joke Jac. You have done nothing in 5 months. See, look at that weight. UNCHANGED! So you must have done nothing!!
Actually the person who knows better is me, if you understand that. If I had done NOTHING over the last 5 months, I would not be the same weight, I would be well above that again. If I had not cared over the last 5 months I would be back to not caring about moving my body. The old me sits here and thinks: Wow people must be so disappointed in me for not making more changes to my training and my body, for not looking better already..... OLD ME: Worries what other people think CONSTANTLY!
At the end of the day:
- There is no magic pill that I seem to be constantly searching for.
- This is no quick fix - its not a diet, its not an exercise plan, its a complete life overhaul wholistic approach
- Its not lose 30kg in 30 days, its regain your life & be the best you can be.
- FOR GOODNESS SAKE: STOP OVERTHINKING IT JACS!
- Stop adding pressure by trying to think what others are thinking, believe in yourself!
Previously I would have given up & be content with this as my finale....when once again today is only the beginning. I am not a contestant on the biggest loser, I am someone saving my life one day at a time.
The old me would be working out how I can sneak in an afternoon nap, the new me is getting her boardies on to take the kids out to a water park, for the second day in a row! That is what counts, THAT is WHY I will continue on this journey. They are too young to have a lazy lounge lizard mother anymore!!
Jac we are all inspirational in our own ways. Just because someone can be a mother and study and work and run a house etc, doesn't make her any more important than how you or I run our lives.
ReplyDeleteSTOP putting yourself down. You have done AMAZINGLY all by yourself! You do what works for YOU!
Love you x
I am glad that the NEW you is getting in the ear of the OLD you. Because you are absolutely right in saying that if you were the OLD you, you would have probably put on weight and not exercised. It is the perception of what you feel you have to be and what you think others think you should be that is getting to you. I follow your blog with out expectations of your outcome. I read it to remind me that we are all human and all have good times, bad times, old habits, new goals. You are LIVING each day and that is GOOD! xxxx
ReplyDelete" I am not a contestant on the biggest loser, I am someone saving my life one day at a time. " - I love that quote! I'm definitely a new fan of your blog (I just found it tonight). I used to be 300lbs, have lost 100+ already and have another 60 before I'm at my goal. Cheers!(www.raisingsupermom.com)
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